LOL pretty dope battle here guys!
Vulgar: I might have missed something at the start here but you had me completely thrown at the beginning with talk of MI5 Agents and Spice Girls in rapid fire succession haha! It was like a machine gun of different images bombarding me as a reader, but cool though. The American Flag in oligarchs blood was dope. Reminded me of Litvinyenko from a few years back actually as you got into that section and I pieces those details together.
I thought you linking certain associative words with pop culture and the like was done well also, the NSA Snoop Dog and later on the World Cup runners over we're really deft touches but both stood out and probably deserved quoting!
I think I'm at fault almost here for not "getting" exactly what this poem was about. As I said, there's maybe things I could allude to it like the whole Palonium/Litvenyenko thing but aside from that I don't know if that's what you were going for. I apologise in advance if I'm way off!
Rakontur: You've been really impressive the past few weeks, this time out its more of a "day in the life of" almost but your descriptions throughout allow you to inject some of your own personality and that shines through in lines like:
Ooze extra mint on top of each bristle
I think the word Ooze here is used really well, and by mentioning the mint it instantly gives the reader an idea of smell and taste. Such a MINUTE detail, but I liked that for that reason. Brilliant I thought.
"Where ocean breeze meets decay"
This was another example I loved. It could be anywhere in the world, making it relatable to us all, connecting with the reader. But it's more than that, the beauty and the beast, heaven and hell, light and darkness, night and day etc its that contrasting parallel drawn between two things and I think that's really poetic. Again, it's a minor thing on the surface, but as I was reading through it struck me and I always like to analyse WHY things stand out to me like that.
The idea of you being on Facebook and could have held the door open, but didnt, as you were doing something else is pretty poignant and sadly all too real to today's generation. Again, I think it's a great point and you've been eagle eyed to pick up on that and put it in your writing. Great observation on society. The end almost alluded to this same thread that ran through the piece. It might not have been as creative as Vulgars attempt, but I admired it's almost droll straight edged mundanity as life often is that way and it had enough hidden gems scattered throughout to really gauge my interest and keep me intrigued.
I'm giving this to Rakontur, amazing battle guys!
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