[Mr. J]

I've read both of these verses & everything else so far...
but this is deserving of BOTW tbh, both of you have the same attack
the vision that you provide for the story is a driving force here...

Timeless, first off it's nice to see how much you improved most recently
seeing your ability to switch up from your 2nd week verse is cool to watch
at least I think it was the 2nd week either way this verse is smooth as hell

Sent from the morgue, my body represents two classes.
A peaceful being, and an ego left for dead and proved fascist.
Mind that moved masses masterfully, but she blew past it.
Had me unraveled as if Clay had removed the Cashius.
^^^^
although I thought the end of that section was weird..
I don't understand the use of that witty section but I loved how it started
but that last sentence left me scratching my head for a moment

Gus entered the room with a letter that proved,
that in order for us to live we must measure our moods.
Take pleasure and soothe a better version of life.
If man could be immortal, why not lessen the fight?
We could all live worry-free, thankful and full of courtesy.
Smoke a pound to the head and it wouldn't even hurt to breathe.
^^^^
that ending came smooth but I don't like the 'lessen the fight' section..
something about it is weird, & then the other 'measure our moods' line
I feel like you could have used a more creative approach with that..
otherwise I felt like you had a cool little verse here, it's not your best
but you had such smooth transitioning throughout this it came across cool

Poet M, this is the first I've read from you and it has been quite a showing
I really like how your piece ends but some of it seems tough to distinguish between your characters
your piece is weaved together nicely but some parts I could do without I feel like it's too much build up to add to a story

But I'm a road scholar, too. Made million dollar ideas in Aisle 5..
Wallet full of owed dollars. Could use a crazy theory. Been awhile guy..
Gustavo crushes my Campell's can,
THIS SHIT WILL TURN YOUR BRAIN TO SOUP!
Such a dismantled man. He's got nothing to gain or lose..
^^^^
I enjoyed how you opened this section up, I really enjoyed it...
that is until I got to Gustavo crushing your soup & all that..
is the narrator thinking THIS SHIT as you utter that in your mind
or is that Gustavo telling you that, I would have used these...""...
use the letters in bold to separate the moment a little..ya know?

Starts pacing back and forth. Talking about Monsanto. How the end is near..
Saying they pack my pork, chicken, everything with poison. A blend of fear..
Can't comprehend what's clear. We'll take anything they tell us to..
It's cheap and taste okay. Maybe he's right. Maybe.. The spell is true..
Or maybe I'm just really baked, 'cause this talk is making me hungry..
Ask if he wants some chicken nuggets. Oh, now he's shaking and clumsy..
^^^^
I thought that first section was a cool use of your flow & worked well for you
then the following section was a nice reflective point of the character...whoever he may be
and then we reach this last section where it all starts to make sense
yet I remain confused on who is being referenced when you go 'Oh, now he's shaking & clumsy'
that observation seems off putting to me, because it just sounds weird
and then the follow up ....
I don't know this is cool but I feel like you may have been drunk while writing this
no offense...lol...but you wobble in & wobble out you left me in a daze towards the end
especially when the conversation supposedly started...
idk lol...a little editing would help but I loved how the flow popped off
the string of words used up until 'clumsy'

v/I'm going to have to go with timeless, I felt he delivered a verse that came across ideal
as for his opponent I understand what he was going for throughout his verse...but I felt confused reading it
I felt had he done some editing on his behalf he would have had my full support
but it felt like it was rushed at a moments notice, timeless may have had time to edit
or it may seem it comes more natural but the verse had it's ups and downs as well
but he had a better developed presentation in my eyes...v for timeless