[YDK]

I awaken feeling sick and jaded; throats irritated and raw,
Like I've been screaming in my sleep again, naked; appalled.
My vision won't focus but I notice the brain colored paint on the walls,
50 shades of gray as if I sprayed my pain through the halls.
Enveloping depression suffocating my every word
So I pick up this pen and paper to describe how it hurts.
I have no feeling of worth, no support or ambition,
Just this vision of my life floating by in an instant.
Every time I blink it feels a year has gone by and yet,
I watch the world become a vampire as the dawn dies and resets
But I have no regrets,
Except for the fact that I say this in jest
I could watch the world decay but it wouldn't change any less.
Save for the rest of the people that can live a single day with a smile,
Vile liars that refuse to admit they've succumb to their trials.
I'll be perfectly honest because honestly I'm not perfect,
I simply understand my purpose and I know I'm not worth it.
My husband's the worst, always working to pay for this worthless house,
Why can't he understand that it can never amount
To anything as beautiful as a life renounced?
If only he could here this all straight from my mouth,
Maybe then he'd understand why I must murder my spouse...

That was the last page of my wifes diary written,
And as soon as I closed it I heard the click of a gun, hidden.
My wife stepped out from the hallway she had been hiding in quietly,
With a .38 revolver staring back at me idly.
I finally understood the torture she had been dealing with alone,
But before I could say "I quit" and "I don't care about this home!"
She shot me in the chest and my only sounds were a moan.
She turned the gun on herself as my sight started to blur,
I heard a bang then a thud and I knew what occurred.
I awoke in a hospital feeling sick and jaded; throat irritated and raw,
Like I had been screaming in my sleep again alone, naked, appalled.
And all I could think of was the brain colored paint on the walls