[Split Eight]

I think that Innovator’s wording is much more refined than Rakontur's.

INNOVATOR.

Initially, I thought that he wrote about someone with Alzheimers or memory loss who is very much awake, coherent, alive, and able to connect with the world in intricate ways. His developed poetic delivery here emphasizes this neatly. The strength in his strategy is that he can merely describe the world, the instant, as perfectly as he can-- and this serves as evidence to the shocking and dreadful realization that the narrator cannot exist beyond this very moment. This is cleverly expounded on in the first stanza-- a soulless hospital room that seems to be laughing at him for no reason. Strong feelings reminiscent of the detachment and anxiety that you get by being alone in a strange place.

Then the peace of mind of being outside in the second stanza ["with fingertips for a nose" is a sweet descriptor that emphasizes the keenness of the narrator's senses, as well as how he's contradictorily feeling things out] is a strong transition, brought to resolution by a swift and strong ending line that puts his inability to identify with himself out in the open in one final offering.

Lol but YO. Then I realized he was saying the dude was blind, this was off-putting, because it was almost poorly alluded to. There was quite a few "color" descriptions that point to the narrator having some degree of eyesight, conflicting with statements insinuating total blindness. This is okay whatever it's not a literary review journal-- but then the main character looses a degree of dimesnionality.

When did he lose his eyesight? What happened? What about sight does he miss and why does it matter? The tie to the Poe quote loses some of its resonance when you remove your character from his own time, place, and mindstate. I'm not really able to fill in these blanks with context. I think this weakens the transition from verse 1 to verse 2.

ok.




RAKONTUR.

This was okay man. Started out strong, but you got slightly carried away. I assume you were trying to illustrate how a planet reacts to impending death when they realize a supernova is about to consume them. Okay. Exploration of additional themes was on par. Connection to topic was strong but not satisfying.


Eh, I had INNOVATOR.