Lars - In the beginning i thought you were literally explaining the silent treatment as it unfolds, that would have been dope. Still, you captured a fight well and kept my attention while reading. Stylistically you did a good job, mechanically too, but on first glance I really did not enjoy the subject matter. But, I can only say you did well enough with mechanics, flow and pace of story and all that jazz, that I didn't care as much on second read. Overall, this is a well written verse that leaves little room in lieu of critique. Solid writing
Marshall - To make a picture smaller you can drag and drop into google images and all sorts of sizes will pop up. FYI. But I have no problem with how it looks now, more concerned with the writens. Didn't like focal point of focus, see what you are saying but it's a bit redundant in all honesty. I liked the structure you went with, it is fitting in a poetry league, something I can learn from. You executed nicely as well aside from the above mentioned line. You had far less detail then your buddy, though I enjoyed your ending as you were able to bring a story full circle. The only problem is so did your competition and he did with higher degree of difficulty and better execution IMO. I will say I like how you incorporated two pictures because in the beginning she pushed you away or you broke up, essentially breathing life into the first photo, but the second photo wasn't the best representation. You worked with what you had, but didn't get that full execution mark because it didn't fit like a glove you know?
Good battle
v/lars
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