A short battle.
Rak: I feel there were a couple of mishaps here, your style here was not as poignant as it usually is and I didn't mind the KFC line, but there was segments where the flow was choppy and or the language wasn't very clear, such as: "Eye lids weep As a child and father...Cover iris peeps". And in short battles like this, the fluidity of the read is very important. I took the verse literally and metaphorically, which seemed to be the intent. The beginning seemed to convey a firefighter coming to the rescue, but then switched to the allusion of the inferno, which while valid, is too obvious of a metaphor to make. You had some nice lines though fractal coughs and the like.
YDK: Your was very direct and I even felt you added some of your own emotional content here. I'm going to make the assumption you're not a firefighter, but by your avatar you have a kid, and perhaps a wife, but ultimately I don't know, pardon my ignorance. I also don't mean any harm by bringing your personal relationships up, but, your love for your own family shined here and it seemed you wrote it with them in mind and it was really a case of what psychologists call "transference". Now, this transference can be a good or bad thing, good because the emotion is real and so its conveyed very clear and the reader gets a heartfelt sense of what your aim was, the negative side is that a writer should be able to reproduce that feeling whether or not they have experience or attachment to the subject. You seem to write always based on your own experience, which can be an obstacle toward being able to write about everything. As for the writing itself, its simpler than Rak's, and I've read some of your season 3 entries and you're capable of much more, but I still felt the simplicity of the entry here took it.
Vote: YDK
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