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Old 08-20-2015, 08:59 PM   #10
UnbornBuddha
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Lol, innovator pulled a funny here. But, obviously it was as you said a "quick flow", a quickly produced keystyle that was produced as a last alternative, but alas your opponent showed and I think you should have still writen something where effort was actually applied, so you could have produced something more noteworthy, which your fully capable of.

Dan: For the most part, I liked this and the direction you took. Albeit, I couldn't figure out if her societal role was that of a wife or mother doing the folding for her deceased husband or long gone son. It's inconsequential really, though, whichever it is since the essence was relayed and the feeling you were hoping to convey was. One mishap I see here is that all the stops do really take away from this reading like a verse, while not a negative thing, it nevertheless makes it more of a literary rendition that happens to rhyme. Also, another aspect I noticed is that you usually go for a particular type of language and vocabulary, but here you went for a more down to earth vernacular. Another observation I happen to notice is that your rhyme schemes were less complex, you usually go for more creative multi's, so this coupled with my other previous observation tells me that you didn't put too much effort into creating this and it does show. Nevertheless, I think you conveyed the feeling you were going for, which is a deep lingering heaviness bearing on the women's heart, as she does this repetitious activity that keeps her mind distracted from the pain of losing her loved one, whatever that losing entailed.

Vote: Dancake
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