Ullr- I take it this is a mural of dead girl and she's standing amongst the crowd, scared to death (Ironic) and reading the notes from the loved ones. "composed wholly of the throes she beholds it on a podium" didn't like this sentence because it is not grammatically correct. While reading this verse, sometimes I get into your characters and just love it as it comes, this particular verse I was less connected to and this allowed me to be a bit more critical. I also didn't like "breathlessly/helplessly" just didn't sound right in my head. While I liked the concept thoroughly, I can not so it was executed in a clear enough fashion because as a reader I did not receive that exhilarating rush of realization upon finishing the verse. I had to search and discover my own interpretation of the finale, which is not bad and rather awesome in my case... Only I am still unsure of the verses underlying meaning, which leads me to believe, especially after I tried to decipher, that it must not be just I.
Razah - A concept verse. I liked it. End Rhymes were not complex, but at the very least, you killed what you brought forth. I'm not sure whether or not there was a bigger picture then writing or being different, but that is what I took away from it. You wrote about a girl, or person, who was fighting for something, freedom and joy, and in the end did it and thought it was hard but realized it was not. This read like a not so typical splice of freedom verse meets writing about writing verse IMO. But in any case you added flavor and made it less generic and more deep in thought then the a-typical writer can produce.
v/Razah
his verse was just a bit more thought provoking for me. I connected with it on a deeper level then his competitors
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