[Mr. J]

you waded waist-deep into our watery fortress
while I sipped sandy Coors and laughed along with the chorus
drenched in sweat and salt, watching twilight dissolve
speaking whispered nothings on the odds of it all
i found you where the disco ball fluorescent revolves
at a table with a vodka soda next to the bar
downhill to moonlit melodies, molasses mirage
we abandoned metropolis with a walk and a song
^^^^
This was a great way to start off the piece, really draws you in from the jump
your use of vocab is always impressive and paints a picture that's not hard on the eyes
your structure and pace of this whole section really sets the tone in classic 'black' fashion
really dope work here, it's very fluid and keeps everything moving at a steady pace
dope so far...


i know it doesn't matter to whoever may read this
but it taught me how the world can shape-shift over a weekend
you are seaside. seagull soaring over shallow serenity
throw my flag at the referee. we played each other impeccably
24/7 distant memory i mildly regret
just another indiscretion that we'll try to forget
but i'm hopeless. just another scumbag scourging the floor
treating honest women like i feel anymore
than a modest indifference. it's momentary recourse
into love and hate and apathy then open the door
and close it on your way out. we paraded the shore

this whole section was the haymaker to the piece, that knockout substance
you really pour it on right here and it's amazing how you kept the pace going
I really enjoy reading your thought out plots because of the way you weave it together
almost the same way a spider would when it's caught in it's web
this is really...I don't know...human? yea that works it draws on so many aspects
it pieces together the puzzled form which is us as a whole...and I'll always enjoy that from you brah
dope work here...deserves more love & a HOF nomination to say the least