Not only like Mr Js angle here but the perspective from which he wrote it. Continuous development of character mixed with story progression made for a pretty cool verse.
Unborn, loved your verse up until midway through the third stanza, wasn't feeling that direction. The remainder of the verse had several strong points, I liked the chemeric creatures bit, several others after but that one jumps to mind.
V/ for consistency and a more enjoyable 'voice',
+1 Mr. J
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