[UnbornBuddha]

2Tripple0: I liked the concept you went with. Some of the metaphors were kind of odd though, like talking about a time machine and the voyage within its confines and then bringing up a tulip. I know it's a simile, but choice of language is important, there needs to be coherency in the ideas, and relationship with the words involved, if not one must convince the reader there is through whatever means. Also, I think you are improving quite well, and I would suggest as simple suggestion to make your reading more fluid, add some commas within sentences, so to separate two dissimilar ideas. A nice showing though. I liked it.

Razah: This was more different than the approach and narrative voice you have taken in the past. Simplicity is still your go to weapon, and your good at expressing yourself in a clear concise manner. However, you never really present anything conceptually that boggles the reader, not because you can't, but because you stray away from using complexity as your ally. Nevertheless, you always write something memorable, although not because its mind-boggling, but because of how well you manage to imprint your intention onto the page, via virtual ink. But, like I said before to you, it would be nice to see you challenge yourself to write something more vast in its scope. I liked it. The story was very dark in its meaning and end for us all, if that is going to be our fate.

Vote: Razah