[Pharaohs Army]

to me, this part stood out as being stellar:

and this surely isn't the right way to go about it.
taking the weight off my shoulders by adding more ounces.
... I really been alone for the longest.
and mother says I loan her for what happened in august.
summer baby but im clouded by these thoughts and emotions.
............and this is me being honest maybe.
I should of been left under a running faucet.
and maybe that would have helped clean off my mothers conscious.

I think much of what you wrote here is good but it is interrupted by some trite lines that you should either erase or re-work:

so it's really best you mind me if im looking blue.
looking blue is kind of cliche. and i also thought this line interrupted the flow.

washing out my chores with the thought of some shores
get this line out of here.

These kind of lines, particularly the second one I cited, take away from the other parts of the piece which are deeper and thought-provoking.