[Mr. J]

The sky grows dark amidst the dusken clouds
looming high over the arcs herein thus renowned:
Revered as gods by the people local,
Spheres of Water - here they're cheerful, hopeful
for they draw of their savior, azure, a mirror of opal
The last remnants of a society long forgotten
Mankind but with no songs or even talking
^^^^^

Ullr, I enjoyed this section the most but I felt like I had to work my way around it
your use of vocab is really showcased in this piece and it makes your piece stand out
I feel like if you hadn't twisted your words to make it rhyme it would have came off better
I get what you are saying and it feels great, almost straight out of a sci fi novel
if you didn't worry about making it rhyme as much it would have came across nice


humans passing by are involved in whole other worlds,
with coasts of azure. forests so lush,
you could farm them to stumps for so many decades
it would yet take four generations for a fourth of an acre
to be warmed by the sun. maybe more, at the rate that
these postings go up

Split Dog, you came across more poetic, yet you kept a steady pace
you painted a great picture and your use of vocab really stands out as well
what makes your piece great is that you paint a vivid picture & bring the picture to life
I love the quote above because it comes across so smooth it's an easy read
I had to read it a few times to fully capture the essence you painted and it's just great


v/Split, Dr Dog just came with a great piece of writing without saying much
Ullr, had a great use of vocab and painted a great picture as well
the wording just seemed a bit off to me, which mayyyy need a little work
but it's no doubt he can write, he just hasn't found his niche yet..
great battle fella's