Ullr- “people local” stuck out to me on my first read through. Kinda awkward, but you got away with it. ..
They call out as they enter the dome, cavernous, grand
echos rise o'er the steps of the stone with their hands gripping pans
You kept a nice tone going with this bar. I’m not sure how to describe that tone, but you know what I mean. Heard it again here
"Pump Station 23" Emblazoned, exterior
Punchy, jumpy. Idk. Probably the least obvious aspect of your verse I’m latching onto but whatever. I like it.
That last line tho? What did the character defy? In which manner did she die? … I really liked where you were going but I feel like I came up short handed. you nailed the picture pretty well. Story just coulda used work.
Dr. dog – I really don’t like lines that get continued to the next. Especially short ones. So, with that said..
lacks any formal expression for human disgust.
so the fauna conducts a foray into the ruins of rust,
I really felt the flow right around “fauna conducts.”
You kinda just jumped all over the place tho. I’m either dull, or you were just kinda fucking around with a feel as a theme… and I didn’t really feel that feel.
/v ullr stuck to a stronger tone. I enjoyed it throughout, unlike his opponent. For this, I give him the /v.
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