Ullr - I actually watched a movie very closely resembling this story not too far back, it had the same premise to a certain extent. In any case, a world of no rain where pumps rule the lands sucking mother earth dryer day by day. I loved the specific detailing of the tribe, you brought forth an Indian nation but more savage, less evolved almost. Worshiping this god, a man, or maybe the pump orbs, in any case painted well. I enjoyed the flow to say the least, I have noticed over the past three verses I read you like to use the word O'er a lot for sake of flow or brevity of line, not sure. Can't say I don't mind, but three for three so far as I read your works, just saying its beginning to stand out. Somber writers voice that I connected with early and you only got stronger near the end. No complaints.
Sp8 - This was a dope concept, but I can't give you as much credit from your competitor for matching the picture because he did much better in that aspect. You though, killed him with metaphor. The Reddit and postings portion opened this verse up into something new. You evolved in that instant and went with the imagery laden metaphorical style that comes very short bursts. Almost like you warmed up, then BANG!!! Emerald Egassi style. Your verse had true depth to it, which is vital when combating a linear story
Very tough vote. While I feel like Ullr had the superior flow and story obviously, Gynecologist Dog had the superior depth, (meaning meat to chew on as a reader) and the better metaphor given his was a concept as opposed to read what I write style. In essence, this was two completely different styles and executions, and while you both wrote something that I enjoyed thoroughly, as I read them over and over one grows on me while the other stays stagnant albeit at a high level.
V/ the resident Gynecologist
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