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Old 07-24-2015, 01:59 PM   #13
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

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Spittin dragon flames, i'm brutal w/ every verb that i use
kid you couldn't be mean with your words if you caught a charge for verbal abuse

Prepare the team, Faggot u can't ketchup when i pair the beams,
Only a time a chik say "u hot dog" is when you're dressed up as one outside the local dairy queen

^^^^^^^^
I feel like these were your strongest lines, the set ups seemed rough
but other than that some of the concepts you brought would have worked
I just felt like the punch could have hit harder had the set up not been weird
I lol'd at the hot dog line though, it was kind of odd how the punch landed
but it still worked...

Why act gangsta, I seen ya’ picture, this ugly fat kid must be jokin,
This nerds known for being stuck up… Like every chick that he approaches.
He’s garbo w/ it, look his record, seems EVERYONE pealed his wig,
Everythin you drops, minor kid, even GOW’S cousin wouldn’t feel the shit.

^^^^^^
this section made me lol, I thought the closer was dope as well
I didn't really enjoy that opener though, I see how it works
but I just felt like you could have opened better, that mexican employment was lulz worthy
but it wasn't as hard hitting as the above quoted and the closer


v/Dre, I felt like he came correct with the lines as well as execution
IAm had a decent run but some of the wording threw me off
his best line that seemed to work well was the Dairy Queen line
good use of set up and putting a visual punch together
dope battle fella's
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