Bent, that was a very nice read. Although I am in the same boat as Zygote in terms of not understanding everything, I find that intriguing. I really really liked some of the things you did with your rhyme scheme. Some lines in particular had a lovely harmony of assonance and rhyme. Doing all of this well makes maintaining an extended metaphor impressive. Overall, the verse worked. I really liked it.
Keith: I don't mind the concept you chose at all. However, I feel your approach to the concept would have been better suited for an OM post. I know this topic implied not being misunderstood, however I feel that your direction had a negative affect on the depth of your piece. I enjoyed the read for what it was, but it didn't stack up well against your opponent this week.
+1 Bent
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