Ribbit - first of all:
Quote:
Learn yet? She will unlikely return to her philosophy
Of meninogomy. Of still bourne focus. no company.
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What??? This is just one of many instances during your piece where I paused like 'yo wtf did this dude even just say?' I got a headache reading this shit, it's so scatterbrained and so stop/start, I honestly didn't know what the fuck was going on, you need to focus more on making sure what you write makes sense man, because a lot of this just really didn't, and I'm not trying to be an asshole but in order for you to cut it out of your writing, you gotta be told. The thing that fucks me up is you have really solid mechanics at times, and glimpses of top quality topical writing, but then it just falls apart and I'm left wondering wtf just happened. Is English your first language? If not, it's understandable, but yo...you have potential for sure, but you HAVE to focus on ensuring your shit makes sense, or you won't win battles in this league.
Tyson - you can do better than this, the lines were a little stretched and the flow was awkward, you at least told a comprehensible story tho, it wasn't to my taste but by no means bad, you wrote it clearly and there was some type of narrative that was easy to follow. Not feeling it a lot but it was decent, shorten your lines up tho and be more creative with the topic given and I think you'll have a lot to offer this league.
Tyson won this easily for me.