[ZeeDee]

Deadlion... pretty good piece.. flow was solid and was on point with the topic as well, but it lacked details of such a big event as a robery gone bad.. a litle more on the chacter development and why this person is doing a robbery.... something that allows me as the reader to feel closer to the character to. The short story was very short in this instance imo... and needed more on the chararacter and more details of the actual robbery would of this a lot better I think...

Pohfig, this was filled with a lot of vedry cleverly worded lines and metaphorical wisdom and was really nice in flow as well. It read smoothly all the way to the end. The narration is the biggest part in this as there was no charfacter to develop.... and the narration was fire... every other line or I was hit with smething powerful in the message

Its cold in my dreams
So cold it feels lie hope when I breathe...

That line was dope and very creatively worded...

Vote pohfig... just gave more