Both had some misteps along the way. Ribbit like most of his work got lost
A bit in the translation. At points he went from poetic to topical which i really
Dont have a problem with . Its just gor the amount you wrote it got a bit annoying
At times. Progression ofvthe story and transitions i think are ribbits biggest problems
Tyson
This was developing into a nice little story. Reminded me a bit of love and basketball(vaguely tho lol). I thought you had a mucj more smoother flow
And read. Less jumbled thought more cohesive and progressive in your diction.
Only failt i see here is it ended to abruptly, good story could of been great if you
Would of allowed the story to develop a pace slower.
Overall i got tyson for a more cohesive story line.
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