Quote:
Originally Posted by timeless
Frequency lost, the cost of life in the microphone of the dispatcher.
But there is none. Sre the light from home. Suffering from risk factors
Eyes engulfed, edging towards an ecstatic end to your existence,
But that's not enough, more dreams shattered and you're forced to listen.
I ran 'til I reached the horizon. Heart bleeding all iron.
Sirens in the distance fishing for an obsolete pause or false timing.
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I thought these were both dope. You shouldn't have signed out, I could see you gaining momentum quickly. Something about your diction and your wording is markedly different from last season, very impressive. Short and concise. Seemed to be about a soldier lost in a sandstorm, maybe not the most ambitious attempt given the topic, however good effort nonetheless.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ullr
No word of the cops that'd stop and transport 'em nor the all the witnessed slaughter and horror
None of theirs sons ever running with guns, no missiles overhead, just fun in the sun.
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This was good through the first line, but 'fun in the sun' was out of place given the serious tone of the piece.
Quote:
for without the trials and the boots and the blazers there'd be hardly a world for their idle youthen behavior.
Their fathers gave their lives believing "you deserve to be safer" with prospective lives and universities paid for.
Through eternity's pale door memories stand as all that remains, the calling of change was too strong to restrain
now they fight not, their song no longer refrains. Peace in the land for their forefathers were brave.
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Okay, cool ending here.
I thought both verses were good. Timeless came off as less wooden with his writing, it was natural and wording was never forced. I though that Ullr did a better job conceptually, linking the top and bottom portions of the, but I will note that some of his phrasing was very off and off-canter to the rest of his verse. I thought that Ullr gave his verse a more conclusive ending, and touched on more aspects of the topic overall.
I'd have to give it to @
Ullr