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Old 07-16-2015, 02:46 PM   #11
Pinot Grij
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Yo ribbit - a little advice, homey. Your lines can improve by referencing another concept within the couplet. Most of your verse was not relatable line to line or even within a line. The only time you accomplished that was twice:

Quote:
Since I can't rashinalize a better place for you to drop....out of the top floor
Right? Like, tying the concept of dropping a verse to dropping someone's body off the top floor is at least a style of wordplay with a little depth to it

Quote:
Its agonizing to say the least but your in my belly cuz I'm a beast
Again, belly of the beast - you're using some semblance of wordplay here but it's just a start... elaborate on that kind of stuff and you'll see improvement. Otherwise, this verse was dogshit.

Infiltration - this was a clinic. Ribbit - take notes. Baroque... type hetero/pride festival was a cool rhyme sequence...Dungeons & Dragons. This was an easy win.

Vote -- Infiltration
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