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Old 04-24-2013, 09:25 PM   #10
Mr. J
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This was a nice piece, vivid on the storytelling I enjoy the vibe
you draw it out nicely and have a nice use of wordage
I feel that with a little more time...it would be more cohesive
it's dope all around...I just felt like some parts weren't needed
like it was filler...either way nice drop breh

Down the stairs in a panic, I don’t even stop to look.
I ran past a butcher’s locker and the meat is on a hook.
There’s nothing but fear here, even the rats didn’t move.
I sped around a corner, before the last hidden room.
^^^^^^^^

I just wanted to point out something like that
it doesnt really make sense to have something like that...
well the way you started the verse...I didn't like it...
it felt kind of weird to me, other then that...the piece was dope
but sudden drops in inspiration like that kind of chip away at a nicely written story
nice drop though
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