[I]nnovator - Poem of the week so far for me. Patiently written and there were nice nuances written into this, like aging flesh around bullet wounds, the confusion of young men, the predictability of war, these were all effective additives to this Vietnam War examination. I would've kept out the family tree part, it's been done too many times IMO. Other sections were well written and weren't condescending or imposing on belief systems. A 'poem-fits-all' technique, executed with honesty.
"to chase death and not want it, to loathe life and then cherish it.
they pleaded guilty to peace. but the guns kept judging."
Good work there!
fraze - I think one of the problems with posting rhymed verses as poetry (not like Zen's this week, but actual rap styled verses) is that they're naturally going to be so much shorter than they would be if they were topical or open mic verses. You're limiting the scope by attacking from a rhythmic angle, in my humble opinion. In a topical league, this would be like 3x as long, and come from more specific and engaging angles. This left me feeling like "okay... it was a regular anti-war piece mentioning injust treatment of soldiers." Dime a dozen, right? It had good moments with quality rhyming and writer's tone, yes. I just think that without rhythm, you could really surgically insert thought provoking material into the reader's psyche with much more stand-out flavor. If that makes sense. This was just okay.
nobody jumped ship… just look beneath the surface…
^this part was nice.
My vote goes to Inno.
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