I gotta say the big difference here for me was cogency. Lars' verse had an easy-to-follow storyline, with a great meter.. the thing with a period piece is to nail the terminology and you did that with ease. That really sold the piece. The story was not very complex but it didn't need to be. The characters were clearly defined. It was a really cool read and just very solidly written through and through.
Mr. J, on the other hand, lacked cogency. I felt like I had to decipher your verse both in terms of meaning and diction. I don't mind that generally, but it goes a lot smoother if there is a lot of high impact lines/rhymes/couplets involved that keep me engaged and impressed. Some of the lines were awkwardly worded: "another step divert..." "his ego would glisten from Earth." This verse just didn't pack that oomph for me. And I didn't feel like I got to know your characters. Overall, it just felt unclear for me and paired with the very accessible and lighthearted verse from Lars, my vote became obvious.
Vote --> Lars
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