Quote:
Originally Posted by Destroyer
in my dreams I hear hymns
but i awake and hear him
liked the flow and imagery
and in between cries, I'm forced to admire
how a thought can be both a scream and a whisper
poetic prose
she was my sister. she died.
he was questioned.
he lied.
I was six. she was five.
and I miss her.
there's a lot of emotion in this section. nice meter here
scraped my loose cash into used brass.
so I could turn my screams in the dark into Ds & C sharps.
cool imagery
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Innovator
the soul jumping off the walls
Like helium filled ballons.
nice imagery
Man those cats could play.
liked this, adds perspective
drums thundered while that bass crept under my skin
Injecting a beat that would liven my veins.
I was never more alive.
nice use of imagery
Lung filled trumpets blow in the night
rhythmic life
liked this
I was never more alive.
effective use of repitition
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nice battle. I spent the first part of destroyers verse wondering where the connection was, but you eventually tied it together. would have liked to see the topic affect the direction of your piece more. you had some nice sections of rhyme that really made it easy to follow the story.
innovator had a more direct connection to the picture and used a lot of different types of poetic devices to tell his story. I enjoyed the read because the use of imagery made it really easy to build the scenes from this juke joint.
this is a close battle, and i liked both pieces for different reasons but i would give a slight edge to innovator. I think he made better use of the topic, which was really my only complaint with destro.
vote innovator