I think Des was more sure-footed in his writing. Inno can sure clunk through a line here and here. Inno also had some really standout lines. I enjoyed Des's piece but think he captured a story that didn't quite come alive, like it was well written but overall it didn't do much for me. I guess with that approach id want you to make the fathers character a little less 2D, I think you had a little too much closure/ emphasis hingeing on something not fully developed
Innos piece was built off of literal details/ highly relateable imagery as well, but it was also the focus of the piece so it worked much smoother. Like it set out to really show the feeling of music from a performer AND an audience aspect and recreated the atmosphere of a room and did it well
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Originally Posted by PancakeBrah
I'm going to start off on a tangent.
when I write, lately, I feel as if I begin by stringing together ambient ideas and concepts, then i realize I'm just typing the words coffee, tawdry, and autumn over and over and over, again, then I pass out dru-
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