Wowzer...This bes a good 'un fellas.
JW: Shit what can I say about this? You improve more with each verse no lie. Honestly I enjoyed the story and I felt like I was there when you met the lt. and I felt like I was there when you were being shot at, etc. You put the reader into the story very well and also showed how grim it was. The line that really stuck out to me was the valley of death line...Very nice. The whole piece had a serious tone but I laughed at the line about chyeahh lol. To your rhyme shceme, I think you've managed to find the style that suits you the most and have ran with it tbh. Great piece from you here.
NG: You brung out the short lines and it worked for you very well. This kind of felt like the old school hip hop songs that would tell a story you know what I mean? And as far as the story it was great. What made the story really work though was your wording and in some cases your humor. The line of layin in the dirt face first cracked me up lol. But all in all the ending was a sad one which always sucks...but thats life and you can't change it. In my opinion this may be the best writing of yours I've seen though. You two are progressing quick as hell. Props.
Overall I gotta go with JW on this one. Very good battle though.
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