[Mr. J]

I should have had this topic :/

Geno, Dope shit breh, I love how you stepped out the box with this one
well 'plot' wise you stepped out of what you were trying to pull off
I really enjoyed the way that you formulated all the aspects of this piece
using the auction as a setting and slowly unraveling the story...
this little section right here was pretty cool I felt...

"Going once, going twice", Corleone just purchased a crib
As the smurk on Tommys face, transformed into a merciless hit
as quick as i yelled "sold", Don Corleone had a hole in his ribs
And Devito was holding the gun, that he opened him with
I dove in the distance, quick, cause a thug -im certainly not..
Never religious, but witnessing hell breaking lose just turned me to god

some parts just caught me off guard the way they were written though
normally you are really dope with the flow and this saddens me
but you still put in some decent work here..this section was ehhh tough to read

I felt a sense of disgust, growing, as Corleones crony comes up
Tony put a freight train up his nose, i only hope he adjusts
holding his little buddy, face covered in cocaine like its blush
Its likely nothing, but you can never tell by the looks Vito gives

crony just seems like an odd word to use here...member of the family, associate, etc.
I felt those might have worked, but the imagery of the story was pretty dope, nice work

Unborn, this may be my favorite verse from you. it's different & works so well
this was definitely a step in a different direction from you, & you made it work
you still stick to your style but you focus on a different approach and it just flows nice
I really enjoyed the section after the opening...

After hours of silence the unnamed criminal spoke:
“The Don told me about you cops and your sinister role
Always portraying humanity in a cynical tone
I won’t snitch or rat, that’s my syndicate’s code.

I think the quotations ended after syndicate..but it threw me off
you just went into the next section and I was waiting for the voice to stop
it's easily avoidable once you get in the swing of how your verse works
but it just caught me off guard.

Don's tongue/Don's son really didn't work for me but I let it slide
otherwise the imagery of the piece is the strong point here & you make it work well
I enjoyed the flow & consistency of the story as it unfolded...
I see you with that ending shout out, glad you enjoy watching me work
either way nice job my friend


v/I'm going to have to give this to Unborn, his verse stuck with me more
had Geno taken the time out to write & stopped messing around in discussion this would have been a well balanced battle
in the end Unborn came through with a piece that seemed very well written
nice battle fella's keep those pen's moving