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Old 06-13-2015, 04:54 PM   #6
UnbornBuddha
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Two pieces that revolve around a father figure.

Certain: A piece whose setting revolves around horse racing. Father and son watch as their horse wins. Basically it was a piece that revolved around a father and son's bond strengthened by their winning horse. While, the story was clear, honestly I didn't really get too involved with it. You tried to evoke emotion, but it did not fully reel the reader into the emotional intri***ies of the piece. In other words, you relied on the memories of the reader to have resonance with the piece, but at least for me, that never came through. The writing was clear and poignant though.

Mr J: This piece is much more riveting. The father gets trampled, and that alone makes it more evocative. Not that the sadder ending has more meaning, of course not, but in this case the ending made it more rememberable, and I connected to it more. The setting seemed more rancher like. I did think adding Mufasa at the end was a bit cheesy. And, Certain did write more appropriate, in the sense that it looks more refined, which is probably because he has the benefit of being an editor. But my enjoyment, still came from Mr' J's.

Vote: Mr. J
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