Netcees - View Single Post - R. 2: Clutterbuck vs. Veritas the Invincible

Pharaohs Army · 06-12-2015, 06:55 PM

CLOSE. Close in my mind because I feel like the first 2/3rds or so of Veritas' verse were incredibly on point from a rhyme and rhythm perspective. Truly impressive flow and construction. From a technical perspective, the final 1/3rd ending area was still good, but for some reason not as good as earlier. If you'd like the break point I'd say it was after the line of:
...every jot and riddle, end, beginning and middle in perfect place.
^Not trying to be ironic. After that line is literally the point where I thought it went from Amazing to "good", (with respect to the writing potential exhibited before that point. the words are bigger and better but i feel like it hurt the flow a bit; the change). < That opinion/analysis of mine is from a structural/phonetic perspective..

Subject/ content-wise I felt this verse was the lesser of the 2, which I'll delve into a bit later.
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Clutbuck also puts on a show with respect to schemes and multisyllabic rhymes. Very strong. Not as strong phonetically as the first 2/3rds of Verita's verse, but still at very high level throughout.
The phraseology, the way he relates the ideas to the readers, and also the impressively consistent "multi's" - stands out.
Did a "Maestro" thing with the pic. God/religion. Omnipotence. Weaving the fabric of worldly affairs. Etc. But beyond that describing how "that idea" had been sewn into his mind early in life, but coming to terms (also at a young age) with the thought that it is likely just a "nice story". Too easy of a present with a nice bow on top and no room for nuance or coincidence. Thought it was well done. Loved the last two lines. They summed things up cleverly and rhymed well.
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Veritas was quite up front about where he was going with his abstract interpretation. I'm the first one to enjoy "A highly effective treatise on how creative text tournament writing happens." I like to write about writing,and writers. So of course it's a bit difficult for me. But I must say it was conceptually forced. As though the idea came before the picture. The metaphor and descriptions within this idea are good and original (including the personification of freedom, the tree metaphors, [but especially]how a writer "constructs"/feels, etc)..
But the "big-picture idea" itself, in my eyes, is just not original enough, and does not conform to the image enough, to beat Clutbuck's verse. I related to Clutbuck's far more with respect to the image.
Yes, their are "fingers on keys" and a "tree" in the picture. But as a matter of personal taste it was a stretch to take that into writing about textstyle tournaments. But although it does not get my vote,I'd again like to give major props for the flow in most of it. If there wasn't a picture involved it might be too close to call for me. But there was.

V/Clutbuck

06-12-2015, 06:55 PM	#12
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	CLOSE. Close in my mind because I feel like the first 2/3rds or so of Veritas' verse were incredibly on point from a rhyme and rhythm perspective. Truly impressive flow and construction. From a technical perspective, the final 1/3rd ending area was still good, but for some reason not as good as earlier. If you'd like the break point I'd say it was after the line of: ...every jot and riddle, end, beginning and middle in perfect place. ^Not trying to be ironic. After that line is literally the point where I thought it went from Amazing to "good", (with respect to the writing potential exhibited before that point. the words are bigger and better but i feel like it hurt the flow a bit; the change). < That opinion/analysis of mine is from a structural/phonetic perspective.. Subject/ content-wise I felt this verse was the lesser of the 2, which I'll delve into a bit later. - Clutbuck also puts on a show with respect to schemes and multisyllabic rhymes. Very strong. Not as strong phonetically as the first 2/3rds of Verita's verse, but still at very high level throughout. The phraseology, the way he relates the ideas to the readers, and also the impressively consistent "multi's" - stands out. Did a "Maestro" thing with the pic. God/religion. Omnipotence. Weaving the fabric of worldly affairs. Etc. But beyond that describing how "that idea" had been sewn into his mind early in life, but coming to terms (also at a young age) with the thought that it is likely just a "nice story". Too easy of a present with a nice bow on top and no room for nuance or coincidence. Thought it was well done. Loved the last two lines. They summed things up cleverly and rhymed well. - Veritas was quite up front about where he was going with his abstract interpretation. I'm the first one to enjoy "A highly effective treatise on how creative text tournament writing happens." I like to write about writing,and writers. So of course it's a bit difficult for me. But I must say it was conceptually forced. As though the idea came before the picture. The metaphor and descriptions within this idea are good and original (including the personification of freedom, the tree metaphors, [but especially]how a writer "constructs"/feels, etc).. But the "big-picture idea" itself, in my eyes, is just not original enough, and does not conform to the image enough, to beat Clutbuck's verse. I related to Clutbuck's far more with respect to the image. Yes, their are "fingers on keys" and a "tree" in the picture. But as a matter of personal taste it was a stretch to take that into writing about textstyle tournaments. But although it does not get my vote,I'd again like to give major props for the flow in most of it. If there wasn't a picture involved it might be too close to call for me. But there was. V/Clutbuck Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 06-12-2015 at 07:17 PM.