View Single Post
Old 06-02-2015, 01:47 PM   #11
UnbornBuddha
Senior Member
 
UnbornBuddha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,008
Battle Record: 23-10


Champed
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 5

Rep Power: 23856376
UnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant future
Default

Pent: Let's first get into the things that weren't my favorite. I'm not a particular fan of having one idea or clause streamline itself onto the next line, and consistently being used as a technique. As a reader, sometimes it makes the reading itself more opaque. Sometimes, it is a necessary technique to utilize, and when executed more strategically then it comes out more refined. That being said, I did enjoy the concept. However, even though it obviously is a work created through the extent of the imagination, I did not think it was the most expansive in terms of this. I think you could have been more visionary, simply because one can allocate any monster looking thing into the world of comic strips and playing cards. That being said, the approach was well executed and I did enjoy it was a whole. Especially the last stanza, and I also was a very keen on the rhyme schemes. Good work.

Genocide: Your very good at maintaining a very reader-friendly style. In some regards, this means that it enters the mental vessel of the reader more readily. It had a more smooth, and fluid maneuver than Pent's. It was a good read, but there some typo's that could have been easily corrected. Now, I don't really usually care for such pedantic shortcomings and minutiae. However, it does speak on the lack of an editing process, which obviously comes to allude to the time spent as a whole. Now, of course, the time spent does not equate to a better verse than one's opponent, especially if their a skilled one. But, it does bring a correlation in the patterns of your writing habits. That said, I did enjoy it, and the smoothness of your craft is something to be admired.

Vote: Pent Up
UnbornBuddha is offline