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Old 04-19-2013, 04:58 PM   #2
Zen
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This is one of your first drops here and I can tell you that you have elevated allot in a little over a month. The hook is very nice I like it. Would love to hear this over a beat to be honest to see how you'd deliver this. In my opinion the second verse is much better than the first.

I was struggling, the dumbest kid numb from the hate,
that my mother put inside me, bearing some of the weight
on my shoulders, so lately I've been juggling fate..
tryin to stay a few steps ahead like running a race..
It's toxic, everyone I talk with is lost kid..
I'm cautious to expose the emotion locked in
^Nice meaning behind these lines even though the scheme is simple.

That would have to be my biggest critism of this piece is that the scheme is simple, but this is for audio which means it likely would not suffer because of that. All in all reading this piece and then peeping forward to the Warlord piece you dropped you progressed a ton imo. Will try to feed other pieces of yours that I haven't fed yet as well probably on Monday fella.
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