Pat
Lol. Man.. why did you have to go this route? I keN thats cool.. u took a humorous approach, but its just screaking out 'lack of a better idea'. There were some funny moments. Ill give you that.. and then there were moments when i was like.. why am i even humoring this post? Lol. Nothing personal man, but it just seems that your really out of your element with this one bro. Could have done so much with what you had to work with and you just kind of threw something really uninspired together.
Certain
I really liked the style you wrote this in. You have a unique touch to your rhyme scheme imo. Its really becoming your own. The story was dope. the personal attatchment you gave it when talking about friends was nice. Gave it a realness. didnt overdue anything and was pretty straightforward. Had a couple of bumps in the flow of things as i read it that could have just been me.. but it made me double back to re read a couple lines trying to find what the bump was in smoothness if you know what i mean. I do that alot when im reading something that seems to have a nice smooth read to it and then i hit a hiccup.. i wonder ig its a flaw in my reading or if it may have been a flaw in the syllable lengths or something the writer did. In any event.. it was a minor thing.
Enjoyed both verses. But i could only take one seriously. Sorry patrick
V/certain
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