[big baby]

The problem I have with your writing, is that, it's based around your syllable stretch. And yes that's your signature, but it is severely limiting. Especially when the other facets of your writing aren't as advanced. You're almost like a Carmelo Anthony - so to say. Yeah you watch hockey faggot, I know. But Carmelo is a awfully dedicated offensive player. His defense lacks. And what's worse is that, since he centers the majority of his tempo on offense, it actually in retrospect, puts a strain on his offense. And he isn't a dominant force because the lack of other areas negates the way he plays, and what's centered around him. This iswhat I see, you rarely, very rarely create imagery that plays a long with your strengths. You do it in reverse, your talents come first, and you comfort level is at ease. You rarely put together an image as strong as 'faucet leaking liquor' and that's almost a forced type of image. And I can tell by experience, that you didnt even write that line with that phrase in mind. It just came to you. I know this. You wrote the previous lines almost on whim, and whatever came, came. And that is awfully impactful on your writing. There's almost little time spent on the creation of other aspects of writing. I say this because I don't see you elevating other than creating a caricature of what you want to be. And if it doesn't have some syllable sorcery, then it isnt good to you. But you fail to grasp a lot of emotions because of your paranoid fascination with syllables. "BUT I LIKE THEM SO MUCH BRO ITS WHAT MAKES IT COOL", yeah cool. But you have to have some sort of debate with yourself. Is this really where you find an advance in writing? Is this really your top caliber writing? Of course you can say NAH MAN IJUST WHIPPED THIS UP. But the very pinnacle of your writing rivals what's written here. And it's cool if you're doing this 'just for fun' but I'd like to see improvement. Something out of the ordinary, without being fleshed out as this insipid need for the conventional go about of your discipline. Idk. not bad.