Love the first stanza, well executed. First two sentences in the second stanza is not as strong as the previous verse rhyming-wise imo but still follows a solid storyline. I like the playful rhyming/structure in ''something is happening/tunneling,travelling'', it sounds good and it makes me happy to read it while taking in what's actually going on in the verse which is anything but happy. Dope execution from there on out as well.
Love the introducing couplet to the last verse. Also liked the ''men sacrificing their breath to win the freedom to breathe''-line. And you got some crazy imagery and tone setting throughout as the battle of everything take place.
You portrayed some seriously dope storytelling in this one, always a pleasure reading your pieces Witty, stay up.
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I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o
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