Split- flow here, I dig.the introductory bar syllable counts went from low to high, high to low, then evened out, and it felt wonderful. Very good progression. I pay too much attention to layout, and you not only said a lot with a few words in places.. but said a lot in more when you needed to. And it worked out without interrupting your flow. “they” wrong. Those two words stood out to me in the end. I remember that puppy love bullshit, all my family warning against bad choices.. oh. They wrong, don’t trip. Hah. I remember that. Good fucking job. X’s burnt into palms, .. strongest single line imo.'
Juxtaposition – RAPE! Man, you kidding. Lol. Good shit though. You wrote an entire piece about finding a playboy at five.. brother, you should be excited you saw some titty that wasn’t giving you milk at that age you all traumatized and shit really I feel you it may have fucked you up in the end but goddamn titty is titty let it stay just that. Anyway, I’m not sure if you are freal, or just fucking with us. But I almost want to troll your serious ass. I’m a celibate ass dude don’t get me wrong – been like two years, I’m fit’na get it on with an exhaust pipe on the more fashionable mopeds.. but still. I didn’t see as much of your conclusion, which really, that quote is strong.. throughout your entire piece. I seen some titties in a magazine.. I like dark age historical fiction.. two big ass horses gallop away from eachother in a big ass field they normally reserve for two people runnin at eachother. SHIIT. I really dig what you were going for – but you were just too damn serious about finding that playboy for me to take you seriously.
A titties a titty.
/v split
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