IamBenT - You painted a very harmonious and unrelentingly affectionate picture of Theodore Roosevelt's relationship with his mother and his wife, two important women in his life, it seems. I don't know much about the man but it seems you either did prior to being in this league or you had an urge to use the former president as a your theme and researched the heck out of it. I thought what you did with it was really cool. At first Alice in Wonderland sprung to mind, naturally because you referenced it with a sprite rabbit but it wasn't to be about the book so I was glad you took it in a different direction. This was thoroughly done with language tweaks that made it your own; no detail was spared, as well as no structural experimentation either. Did you make a strong case for being book smart? Yes. I think this could be published if you put it out there and try submitting it to places. The hunk of time you must've spent creating this collage or manifesto of good natured feelings concerning Roosevelt would be well liked by U.S. history enthusiasts.
Pent Up - Dope, I liked how your story progression took off and didn't stop until you wanted it to stop. Vintage use of transitions and smooth flow to push the pace, and also the rhyming in general was stellar. I'd say IamBent had you in the rhythm department here, but you had him in the engagement department. I was engaged here, following your quill from start to finish, which is as significant as it gets in the competitive realm of topicals for me. I'd prefer taking a rewarding journey with a definitive outcome over viewing a rewarding piece of art that shows me a set of paths.
While IamBenT's was elaborate, relevant and executed to the fullest degree, it wasn't affecting on the level of Pent Up's searing story about a serial hooker who doesn't die peacefully. In the end, the more "affecting" piece of writing prevails here simply because my eyes bulged a bit more in the unravelling of the events taking place. It's artistic mural vs. broken society film festival.
going with Pohfig
|