[Adonis]

Black - Opening lines.... Smoking a cig with breakfast? you have a problem son. Very visually driven though with not so discrete explanations of characters surroundings, I.e flooring, Lighting etc. Lenore/Mortar/Morgue transiting was fumbling at best. Also have never been a fan for the staccoto flow, the single sentence broken and spread across a bar. Personally disrupts the inner flow I work out as I'm used to reading 'rap' form lyrics. I notice you weave in and out of perspective, both inner and simple change of context as well. I mean you talk from first person and quickly transition to a conversation similar to a mirror talk, you then would switch to straight poetry in a literal sense; how you upgrade "I wake up excited" into "jolting into consciousness caressing a knife".

My take is this, the suicide was somewhat evident and bit telegraphed. But the real highlight here is you described enough details through imagery and peer into the soul that I clearly saw the connection with this characters inner-self. What I mean is he had a strong bond with himself and didn't mind, in fact preferred to be alone with his best buddy. I would have also accepted 'SOULMAN' as the closer for this week as opposed to your usual closing signature (at least get a nice font you lazy prick). All in all this was a decent verse that shined in multiple areas while being clear enough of a read that my dumbass can figure out, however in the end it still left me wanting more. Given the length I feel actual meat, real chewable meat was a bit thin. Did enjoy the read though Blk


NY - I think I counted three "leaps in excitement" or alike. I did enjoy the actual story telling, i did not however like the story all that much. Ironic too because the similar "Where Dreams May Come" is one of my favorite movies all time. I just never liked the fantasy the story was built around. That stuff never keeps my focus, it is hard imagining fantastical creatures that don't exist now. I don't like the genre as a whole I guess. The battle scenes and overall torture vibe and visuals were a decent effect, but again, for me personally the story was already hurt a while back when the non natural started to rule the topical.


V/ Deadman

Its mostly a preference vote as I enjoyed blacks choice topic over the fantastical adventure of NYC. Both writer clearly have the mechanics, and there were things I didn't like about either, however the verses are both written at a high standard, but I chose to focus primarily on the things I did not like as far as my voting goes. Cheers boys. Congrats to whomever is winning and shit