Fuck this Lightweight Faggot, you goin home early again just standard
I've Wasted you with this first Bar - you always stumble out of em hammered
^bar wp had been done to death. u have to get RLY creative w/ these kinda lines for them to have any impact
Claim to be dope but you a liar, got the chokehold on you so the truth transpire
It's no wonder all your bars so wack.. You need oxygen to make fire
^the choke/no air/no fire concept was aight. but the execution needed to be better. the choke part shuda been in the pun chline instead'a the 'no wonder ur bars whack' part imo. make ur punchline more focused on the concept
Small Fish, got bars of lame gun talk, the ice beneath you startin to look thin
I'm sure your whole crew surrounded by metal - nobody ever told you that's a sardine tin
^this concept was cool. execution lacking again tho. sth like "u swear ur crew always has metal around, but..." & then maybe even tie in an additional fish wp? idk, those flips aren't that good either, but they're just starting points. like ur concept shud be ur starting point and then u go from there and develop the idea until u arrive at sth good. but the metal/sardine tin connection is not strong enough for it to be a good bar
I'm after the win, you bite all your writtens faggot, an still they ain't good enough to archive a stash
Don't get me wrong you often Outstandin - by garbage cans tryna recycle trash
^this wordplay is prtty old. try & stay away from obvious flips like these
Don't consider the bars of a waster, this dude think corny lines are the best
I know you think your Cheese Greater - I just wanna see that many holes in ya chest
^this wasn't bad. i woulda flipped it sth like this: "i know u think ur cheese greater - i think so too, considering the holes all over u" or sth. but yea, w/ a slightly better wording, this woulda been a good line
Are you depressed? deluded thinking you'd impress or that ya chances in a higher position
You so fuckin Shocked how I've made Light Work of you, they gonna be calling me Electrician
^concept was cool again. connection pretty good this time. but the wording wasn't harsh enough. like others said, 'they gonna call me electrician' just doesnt make for a harsh punchline
overall, u got good enough ideas. just try to develop them more and flip them better. read other battles to get an idea how other battlers turn concepts into hard-hitting bars. if u can improve ur wording, u'll be elevating fast.
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