Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Dog
Play a different melancholy song
it could've been intuitive. a comforting laugh & suddenly
nah. perhaps I was nothing... in that, each absence was touching- there's something in that. all these absences, touching, until we'd averaged the nothing we'd had. stretched across avenues, sunless- perhaps, we could sleep into the dusk. fuck- we'd make a lovely collapse [lovely]. but in fact, I've dreamed such a state of wanting that nothing could match, a wanderlust that swallows us, stuck in the map-
repetitious. babe, you were nothing. non-existent- & there's something in that, state of wanting, that had made it so frustrating nothing could match. nothing-
imagine sleeplessness haunts me. it's not serious, no worries, no blame to be dealt. I see every haunting yet disbelieve every hell.
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This section was pretty much flawless. Introspective, witty, deep. "Nah, perhaps it was nothing, in that, each absence was touching, there's somethin in that -- all those absences touching until we'd averaged the nothing we had".
Great wordplay, the switch-around of the rhyming word was smart, and it's poignant and true, too. Got a really off-beat, listenable rhyme scheme here. It's all cerebral, thoughtful, you've definitely done this subject justice by writing it in this style.
Quote:
Laughed at my friends who settled for less/ then asked them again if they were ever depressed-
uncentered. been writing letters for others i never could send. I'm measured in breaths.
walden. for acres. aches for a pond,
letters for your life & you stayed for the song
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The last line was great. Accepting it for what it is, being grateful, recognizing times change, cherishing experience. Makes a lot of difference from the usual "get money, fuck bitches" bullshit we hear from all the broke people on this website, day in day out.
I liked it.