cruise along the highway with the lights on low, looking at the empty houses like mine. FORECLOSED.
Dope. I'm not sure why "with the lights on low set" such a strong tone in this sentence. I think this line is a great example of what separates okay writers from really good writers, you know?
Like, to those unacquainted with writing, they may pick up a novel of acclaim and some penny paperback garbage, read a paragraph from each & not understand the appeal of the literature. It is often drier, sometimes more convoluted, even sometimes less visual.
Your writing is none of those things
I like reading Zen verses because since you started, your pieces have always been completely independently done of critique or criticism. Whether or not someone is in the thread slappin you on the back or telling you to get lost, you're writing your story. And it really does feel like your story.
I almost get a "True Detective" vibe from your world building.
Anyways, back to this line.
Quote:
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cruise along the highway with the lights on low, looking at the empty houses like mine. FORECLOSED.
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There's an abstract emotion or point being expressed here. The emphasis on "foreclosed" as a visual marker [foreclosure signs] and as serious event in one's life [theres an air, or connotation associated with foreclosure in the last few years of American history. It symbolizes the death of small town America & the ultimate failure of the American ideaology that with hard work and dedication you will reap the fruits of your rewards. Further, it highlights the struggle of individuals against consequences outside of their control]
Your use of the word here, therefore, brings attention to not only a struggle in your life, but it's immediate bearing on the way that you describe your surroundings and what that means. Your descriptives have become a reflection of yourself.
This is a very powerful literary tool, one that is insanely difficult to put into practice in the context of such a short work.
Anyways- so you have established that your surroundings are a reflection of you. Thus, your interactions with your surroundings are an interaction with yourself.
"Lights down low" is an intimate, living room type of lighting to me. This makes me feel like you're almost in a movie, or like in a daze, sitting on the couch, watching Matt Lauer narrate a news van's drive down the abandoned homes in your city.
Anyways that line was beautifully done. There are other good bits of writing, but that made me feel like I was about to read a deeply introspective and personal writing.
I think that what prevents the average writer from stumbling upon this complex system of literary dynamics, is that while you can say X means Y about anything, it only makes sense when that fact contributes to a greater cause. That greater cause is only important when the writer has made it important to us. Then, that cause will only become important to us if the writer has built a sense of rapport with his or her readers, telling them to trust him or to stop & look at what she is saying. Often times, this connection is forged through demonstrations of skill (show-off language or rhyming) that says "grant my writing credibility for I am a good writer."
What's remarakble about Zen is that this rapport comes entirely from the experience of reading his verses.