[dead man]

the perfectness? prose couldn’t match with it
gravity didn’t have an emerging role in this drama and thesis
portrayed through my soul cus i swear it rose. and nirvanas capricious
picture a boat, now picture it floating without water beneath it

this was lovely. particularly the last line.

i think i've mentioned before the "topicalist" (and this pertains to so many other types of creative writing, just as an example) has a tendency to take a single moment and put it under a magnifying glass, and expand on it until it's completely fleshed out to the satisfaction of the writer. until he or she feels that there are no images, words, textures or colors left in that single experience or moment to describe. this was a kiss. a series of. an explosion of human connection we can hopefully all relate to.

you became a bit heavy handed for my taste at times. but your language was romanticism and all things natural. your themes are highly scientific but your vessel is more right brained. i loved air and water of your second verse. i felt like shaking sand out of my shoe. it was salty skin and sunlight. something like wise wiggles life i guess.

some really fantastic moments. the grip on her jeans, breathed into me, etc.

some were kinda weak. sensual heart hugs? arctic heart, palace of hymns, the word 'pucker' also bothered me... i dunno. some of it just seemed a bit grammar school for you.

thanks bb