Split; This was cool. Smooth piece. I think our accents differ greatly cause it was a stretch of the imagination trying to match your bars up. This is unique to your skill set but it takes time to get used to; and I'm not sure I'd even want to become familiar with such a style of rhyming because it would hinder my own progress. Two lines stood out amongst the simple tale of teenage love.
and second dates werent tallies of fetal progress,
^ that was a really great line.
First love isn't the hardest. its worthless, a serpent sonnet,
twisting arteries on purpose, ventricles askew viewing the ultrasonic,
^ I liked this.
Seems you went lax in this weeks approach. It was dull but daintly written.
Jutxaposition; Dude whats with all the colors; do they serve a purpose. Are you trying to highlight a certain type of emotion or just feel being a fruity bastard? Seriously. The verse was all over the place, as mentioned. It wasn't coherent in the least. I guess sometimes it's cool to just rant. Write whatever. Unfortunately you can't win that mind state. Also what kind of mind state were you portraying? Seemed like you were projecting your insecurities. You found a Playboy and underlined playboy? O.K and then made rape bright red? I don't even wanna know.
V/ Split
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