[Zen]

Eyes shut. I’m driving, slumped. I’ve had a few, I admit, ‘bout nine or such. I forget. Shit.

Yeah, life is dumb. I wake up and wait to die because I hate so much. That’s strange, huh? Maybe I stay drunk because I’m afraid of my paystub, and this place of mine. This low-tier apartment with the broken mirror, but the heart is here.

HOME.

Yes.

I go, but it’s getting hard to steer.

I wonder how it’d feel to smash through the windshield at this speed like that boy that died a couple years younger than me. Brian, I think his name was. He drove drunk into a tree. People were really tore up and wiping their tears. He had his whole life ahead of him. Least that’s what they told us. In high school, where people lie the most. They said I could be anything. I chose to be a fly on the mole on Penelope Cruz’s tit (in Vanilla Sky, you know?) when I deep-dive into her clothes, and I keep trying but NOOOOOOOOOO.

Keep your eyes on the road. You can’t commit suicide without writing a note. STUPID. You always die alone. It only takes a second to say “good-bye” to it all. Put on your best suit and say to “hi” to a hole.

Isn’t it funny how life is a joke? Too bad no one’s laughing. Why? I don’t know.

I cruise along the highway with the lights on low, looking at the empty houses like mine. FORECLOSED.

Back to the apartment. Maybe I’ll try her on the phone and watch her ignore me a couple times until this feels like home.

Ade…She was special. Yeah, wasn’t she?

Hair: Black.
Personality: Bubbly.

She’d take selfies driving while she's drunk. Tequila w/ lime in her cup. She told me she's only alive in the club. There, she's nothing. The night was enough. One with the pack, she’d vibe with the horde. I’d sit and watch her dance with the neon lights on the floor.

She told me she loved me with her eyes on the door.

Yeah, I’ve had better and worse, but nothing ever is perfect. And at least she taught me that forever isn’t permanent. It's better as a moment. Caress it and hold it. It’s special.

Then it’s over.