I like it. What I noticed was the rhyme scheme. You tease out nice internal rhymes and return to a previous end rhyme. Very dope once this is realized and inflection adjusted accordingly. This is good and as an aside I like it better than your bedside manner piece. Good technically.
The way rhymes are displayed are something I'm analyzing and experimenting with, and I feel like it might serve you to put more on each line, like doubling the length of some lines before going to the next line. Or even doing it all in "para".. Because the writing/rhyming is so sound here, that that kind of format could show the reader how flexible the rhymes/breaths can be, whilst keeping the tempo, regardless of where the line breaks. You wrote it though. So that is just my opinion... just sayin' put it in a para & take a look@it.
You take an ABAB or an ABBA or ABBBA and make them unique, due to the complexity of A or B, etc.
I mean that's what we all do kinda, lol. but u did it well here.
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