[YDK]

Originally Posted by david stern razor burns

Well, what a drastic difference this piece was in comparison to just freshly reading an UnbornBuddha verse.

The following criticism may seem harsh but it's only an honest opinion to help you improve:
Let me first preface this by saying that I do believe this verse was written rather quickly and may likely even be a keystyle, so that may have a lot to do with the quality of the work.
Again, after just coming off the complexity of UBB's verse, this legitimately read like a preschool nursery book with strong, hard, baby proof pages made of thick cardboard that could be covers all on their own.
The effort here was quite minimal, I'd say that my favorite aspect of the entire piece was surely the title as it probably had more thought put into it then any line of the verse itself.
The vocabulary was suspect indeed: "headphones" was your most complicated word which really is just two separate words unwillingly smashed together anyways so that barely counts.
As for the content, well it was so dreadfully unoriginal that it was almost groundbreaking in the fact that it nearly created its own brand new genre in futility, thus setting the bar at an all-time low previously never seen before. Too bad… you were thiiiiiiiis close to something special.

Well, as the saying goes “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”, and after this verse your writing career was in life support. If you made it through though, then you should be up to incredible hulk strength, and I wouldn’t like you when you’re angry..

Lmao this was awesome for real thanks for the feed man. An yeah this was a keystyle I did taking a shit that I was more focused on the flow than anything an just trying to get my flow back on point since I ain't wrote in awhile so you def got it right