certain i was not quite sure who you're intended audience was either. i was steadily torn between an old flame and a female family member. i'm more inclined to go with the former, since it seems like a verse heavily hinged on romanticism.
forty ounce of regret.
your favorite blazer at church.
these were all great. your choice of alabama as a setting for this was interesting. maybe just the mood you're in. listening to all that bluegrass bojangles or whatever the fuck. i think the actual rhythm of your verses leaves me hanging sometimes, where im looking for maybe a bit more than you're willing to give. you're not one who wastes words, i assume your profession keeps you very on task as far as that goes. theres only so much column space. i can respect that. i think sometimes the phrases you turn may not have the impact behind them you wish they did. things like 'head spinning. spinning deep' and 'an awful week for my awful sleep'. maybe its your minimalist tendencies overpowering your better judgement but to me that just reads like lazy writing.
your entire progression was well done. i especially loved the final 2 stanzas and the contrast between them.
day 32 was my favorite though.
zen --
this felt deeply personal. like a memory youve been sitting on and maybe havent talked about. or at least not in this context. as someone whos been in some pretty sketchy living situations i really loved the image of the cigarette ash on the carpet. it gave me a larger insight into not only the kind of place you were in, but the comfort of your relationships and a general glimpse of your lifestyle at the time. friends of mine have held down apartments without furniture for months. just tvs and foldout chairs and tables for rolling. for that idea was really powerful.
if this is a real sentiment to your sister, i'm hurting for you cause those are relationships that can really die hard.
im very torn between the 2 verses right now. aesthetically, im so much more drawn into zen's because of his natural fluidity and emotive connection. everything down to his prose is an organic touch. im really liking it a lot. certain was, well, certainish - very pedantic almost to the point of rigidity, with a careful attention to detail and technical elements that make a topical verse great. its truly a clash of styles here. both with their faults and benefits like anybody.
i gotta run with ZEN here. with the fear in the back of my mind that he continues to write sad odes to this apartment for the rest of the tournament and we may miss out on some of certain's epic works.
but thats how it crumbles folks
thanks to both of yous
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Zack Wicks for president
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