Iambent -
That rhyme scheme changed up in a good way smoothly, also liked the vocabulary, BLITHE BABY! but it also made sense like when you said "Her eyes a dove, no malice" You know since they are thought of as signs of peace. You have my attention sir.
Once again, you weave rhymes to your whim, very natural smooth transitions, on point. You know what you want to say and are not confined. Lot of strong imagery and adjectives, a lot of allusions, good technical writing, colorful wording.
Okay I'm in the third and I see what you are doing ;).
Woo. Excellent work man. Creative well written. Concept was equalled by execution. YES BOOK SMART! You not only showed it in all your allusions, but also as a main quality of the character, and it in the language used. Just all around terrific.
And man you were able to capture a truth... You let the story create the emotion, not just using emotional words to create feelings, if you understand what I'm saying.
POH -
Immediately the rhyme scheme stands out. Very fluid and rapid, and good use of inner bar rhyming too.
"Giving every man heinous erections before they came to their senses." Dirty Wordplay heh
Awwwww really did not like the following line "That pun was made and intended"
That flow is so butter had to say it again.
"Its nine o'clock, prime time for cocks to choose and buy their spot...
behind broken hymen slots that lost virginity to a slimy pops.
Kathy, known as Candy K, stands away while devising plots -
Wild and hot, that deadly combination is why they jock."
Man your flow, mechanics, imagery, description, are all very good. The ending sort of got messy to me, but it was fitting I suppose and it went down swinging with the wordplay.
VOTE - IAMBENT
This was just a case of one was good the other was great.
Appreciate the effort it must have taken to writ this, fun reads and entertaining.
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