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Old 04-08-2015, 05:59 PM   #4
NYCSPITZ
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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Champed
- Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament

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Adonis, your suffixes really threw me off at times especially in the first half of the verse. Some tense changes were inconsistent and didn't make sense. Overall it was iight but you can do better homie. Add to this the fact that it's a "Jesus is God's Son" verse and I just can't give it props. Don't mean to disrespect in any form, I respect people's spirituality but it's just not something I in particular feel as a topic, esp. for a topical.

Unborn you've improved quite a bit. Cut loose a lot of rambling and became far more to the point and laconic (for you) with the word choice. Your rhymes came off smooth and unimpeded, I enjoyed the verse as a whole. A lot of reaching for various pseudo-spiritual material, but it was all contained within a singular globular mass and I was able to follow the shade of your thoughts. I'd give it a B if there were grades given to topicals.

Vote: UB
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